I've seen a number of blogs and posts recently on the theme of 'where did all the time go?'. See I know. I know where every minute that I didn't do something on one of my to-do lists went. I felt every agonizing, guilty drawn out minute where I window-shopped on Etsy or watched brawny testosterone-driven twenty-something bros challenge invisible entities with their vocal dominance or listened to people tell their monster stories or played Bejeweled until my eyes hurt. I even did a bunch of medical phone calls of the sort that I dislike. I exercised too--a thing I hate with a passion I reserve for liver in any form and people who treat me like an idiot because I am fat, middle-aged mom who doesn't pull in an actual dollars and cents paycheck.
I'm avoiding something.
I bet you can guess what I'm afraid to do. (Especially if you read my first blog post.)
And you would be right.
But I'm going to do it anyway.
Pretty soon, tonight even, if all goes well, I will upload my novella onto Amazon.
I'm late. But not too late.
Pulling myself out of a rut, ignoring my fears and anxieties... changing... is hard to do. Once I start something like this, no matter what happens; there's no stopping. I've stepped out onto Bilbo's Great Road. So I'm just going to say that this long moment of hesitation is a deep breath. I can give myself one of those.
Behind me is the known. Before me is the unknown. Sitting still and undecided here at the crossroads hasn't done me a lot of good. Heading back the way I came won't work either because it's not the same path as it was when I walked it to get here. Forward is inevitable. I choose to shape the future I want.
