I’ve been an SAH (stay-at-home) mom for 20 years. It’s been
that long since I’ve been a visibly employed adult. It was harder in some ways
to push the button on the legal paperwork than it was to push the publish
button. It reminded me of being 22
and filing my tax paperwork for the first time—only this time there were no
hushpuppies, no best friend, no dinner at Red Lobster and, especially, no
strawberry daiquiris to cushion against the fears of novice adulthood.
While this may be the first time I’ve published, I make
jewelry and sell it in a niche market. I’ve had people say things to me about
my jewelry that could be shocking if you’re not a cynic, a pragmatist, or a
pessimist. “It’s ugly. I could make better stuff myself,” tends to be the gist
of the comments. It might even be true. But usually people don’t. These days, any negative commentary
about my designs just rolls off my back.
Writing, as our Mistress-in-Nano, reminded me recently, is a
little different. It is a bit more exposure of ourselves. Growing calluses may
take longer. Thus, the sensation of vulnerability—of something staring at the
back of my neck—is liable to hang around a while. But it’s certainly not the
only time those little hairs on my neck have stood up and reminded me of my
exposed emotional backside.
I don’t know what will happen the second time I push the
button to publish a piece. The plan is to put the second book in the series up
at the end of May. I suspect that it will not be nearly as difficult from all
perspectives. As if, by doing it once and working through the angst, I’ve
crashed the fear barrier. But we’ll see….
